Being Laid Off

We all want to believe that we are irreplaceable. We all want to believe our company could never do this or that without me. Then the worst thing happens, you're called into the office with the HR manager and your boss sitting there looking grim. You hesitantly sit as your boss greets you with a Happy Monday and holds out their hand towards the chair across from them. You can hear it in their voice. The odd looks on their faces. You've seen these faces just about every day for the last few years but not like this. This is a new face. You sit as you contemplate what you could have done wrong. Maybe you forgot to run a report last week. Did you remember to file all the documents? Maybe you remembered something from months ago and now it's just coming up.

You listen while they try to make small talk and question with your facial expressions while you say you had a great weekend. Your heart starts racing as you hear those dreaded words, "we brought you in here today because we have some restructuring of the business that we need to do. Mainly with your position." Your palms start sweating as you think about the mortgage, the car payment, and what the hell restructuring a business really means. You can feel the air escaping your lungs but you feel as if you can't breathe in. You tell yourself to keep it together, don't cry. You watch the HR person's mouth move without really hearing any audible words. You feel like you need to run away. Like you need to take a hot shower and just stand letting the waterfall onto you and wash away this meeting.

A few more words about severance and more business terms are thrown at you. You can't breathe let alone understand exactly what it is you did to deserve this. You always believed if you did a good job you keep your job. If you suck you get fired. Simple. This, however, is not simple or sweet. This is bullshit. What the hell, we're were scaling why would they eliminate you and not the quiet girl that no one really knows. Maybe its you because you aren't quiet. Maybe because you weren't performing. As the thought enters your mind you blurt out, is this because of my performance? Both your boss and the HR person shake their head as they both say No. Your boss then goes on to explain further. You are doing a great job we just have found that we no longer need your position.

And there it is. You are no longer needed. You served your purpose at this job and now it's time to move on. After a few more details and a couple of signatures, you thank them for some reason and head to get your belongings. As you walk to your desk you realize you are never going to see any of these people again. You realize you didn't make a plan for this. You blew your savings on that trip a few months ago. You don't have a backup job. Then you remember how hard it was trying to find a job before. Now you have to do it all again.

This was me. This was my Tuesday morning instead of the office I was privileged to the Zoom meeting ending my employment. I wasn't given an opportunity to say goodbye to any of my coworkers or my employees. The moment I left the meeting all access was blocked to everything I had been working on and all the communication to my team. I texted my team that day and let them know how much I enjoyed each of them. They were devastated as was I. I had worked closely with each of my team members to build them up. I felt terrible and humiliated. I have never been laid off before. The thought of being laid off never entered my mind.

After thinking about the events that led up to that day. I believe I was terminated along with a co-worker because we both filed a complaint against our manager. I do believe this was retaliation. However, that story will be told on another day when I can be less biased about the situation. Right now I'm still pissed and hurt.

This story is about what now. What do you do after you are laid off? I don't know. The pandemic of Covid-19 is still in effect. I've applied to 22 companies since Tuesday when I was let go. I have a family to take care of. I have responsibilities. I can not go without a job. I have the qualifications to work in most places but the impatient person in me is asking why hasn't anyone called me. I can be rather demanding at times.

I have decided to document my journey of this new chapter in my life. Today is Thursday, March 18th and I am jobless. I can't sleep. I've taken a shit load of melatonin without success in my attempts to sleep. Yay me!

I asked myself yesterday, what I could do with this extra time on my hands. I could paint more, clean more, cook more and spend more time with family. That is all great stuff. Let's be honest, since this whole Covid thing, I've seen all of them way too much. I need some me-time. I'm going to put effort into this while I look for a job. This is where my passion is. Writing my thoughts and sharing them with everyone is what I have always wanted to do. Why I didn't study journalism is beyond me. Ah, I remember, I would have had to write about things other people wanted me to write about. Anyway, This is the 2nd day into my new beginning. Let's roll and see where it takes us!

The world needs a little sunshine, so smile😊Have an amazing day💕

JM